Miskin Manor vs Tondu Second XI
Sometimes when things aren’t going your way in sport, half-chances go missed and there seems no way out of the rut you find yourself in. Team spirit is important, and this will be asked of Tondu in the run in to the end of the season. The way today was going to go was summed up by one of the Tondu players getting lost in his own village trying to find the ground. Part-time Tom Jenkins impersonator, Layton Williams, tossed up on a square that can be summed up in two parts. A track that looked an absolute road and a square that looked like something from the opening ten minutes of ‘Homes Under the Hammer’. Much was the relief of Williams in seeing the side of the coin he called, nowhere to be seen, leaving the decision making to the hosts. As their captain wasn’t registered blind, he decided to have a bat. Skipper Tom Jenkins arrived just in time for the minutes silence for the afternoon he was about to have.
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The skipper asked his stand-in to open the bowling. Williams started to find his rhythm early on. A difficult chance coming the way of Jamie Williamson, the diving effort just not going the visitor’s way. At the other end, ‘Mr Timeless’ Clive Holmes began a spell. Miskin soon got into the groove and started to really punish the bad ball and quite often even the good. A good delivery by Williams, excellently taken by Iestyn Williamson gave Tondu their breakthrough. Sadly, this was to be a false dawn as the home batsmen started to run the show. Callum Smeaton almost struck but for a diving effort full stretch from Davies not sticking. At the drinks break the hosts were looking like posting a big total with 128-1 on the scoreboard. Jenkins then decided to turn to the Tondu Totti, Clive Holmes. Bowling a first delivery of his second spell that was asking to be put into a different county, the batsman drove it straight, Holmes diverting the ball onto the stumps with an acute flick of the boot, running out the batsman not on strike. The dismissal made all the more Hollywood by Miskin’s flashing stumps and bails.
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Yet again Tondu were lulled into false hope as the Miskin pair put on 139 runs for the next wicket. Robinson bowled by the impressive Williams for 75. Soon after this it was Williams again, this time running out Matthew Jones for 103. Callum Smeaton got his just dessert taking a deserved wicket with a one-handed catch from Mr Timeless. Jenkins took a wicket, clean bowling Sullivan with the hosts now 302-6. Some sick b****** somewhere has got a voodoo doll of Tom Jenkins and boy do they have some fun with it. As the batsman looked to go big and straight for a six, the bowl travelled into the stratosphere, the players all looked up, our beloved captain was right underneath it. Surely another wicket. This is where things took a swift…….’and now for something completely different!’ as Monty Python used to say. Jenkins decided to practice for his planned audition for Britain’s Got Talent where he catches a cricket ball tumbling from the heavens using only his penis and testicles. Back to the drawing board with this one. Jenkins made a sound like someone jumping on a punctured lilo as he crumpled to the floor. Three X’s from the judges. Miskin amassed 313-7 from their 45 overs.
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Note: Tom Jenkins is available to book as a Bee Gees tribute act for the next seven days.
As the team sat in the changing room, socially distanced of course, the skipper gave a rousing team talk to get the boys pumped for the second half of the game. Well, that was the plan but after the whole BGT thing earlier it was really like having a motivational talk from Mickey Mouse. Matthew Richards back from his ban for verbally attacking an opponent, opened the batting with his skipper. Runs began to flow from the off and Tondu batsmen would not let the bowlers settle into a rhythm. Then someone somewhere grabbed that little TJ voodoo doll and made it do the unthinkable. With Richards and Jenkins both at the same end stood next to each other, the big conundrum was which one of them had been run out at the other end. Arrivederci Thomas, was the message from Richards. On the play cricket it states…………Tom Jenkins, run out, unsure. Never has it captured the moment so perfectly in written form. This brought Iestyn Williamson to the crease. Williamson and Richards were a joy to watch bat for the next 103 runs with some fantastic strokes, in particular a beautifully timed straight six from Williamson. Richards soon broke his own jinx and turned forty-something into a fifty, going on to score 77 before mistiming a shot and getting caught. This gave us the joy of a father/son combo at the crease with Jamie and Iestyn. While they may not see eye to eye around the house, the pair batted superbly together, putting on a partnership of 79 runs before Iestyn Williamson was caught on 71. Callum Smeaton joined Jamie Williamson, with Jamie ending up 47 not out. Tondu finishing their 45 overs on 221 runs.
Miskin Manor 313-7 (45 overs)
Matthew Jones 103
Layton Williams 2-38
Tondu 221-3 (45 overs)
Matthew Richards 77
Iestyn Williamson 71
Jamie Williamson 47*
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PS A big shoutout to The Sherminator who really proved today that he is a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the future for three unlucky Pontymister & Crosskeys batsmen
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Congratulations also to Scott 'The Fowler Prowler' Thornton on a ton, Tondu's own Mr Whippy Ben Green (the man to see for 99's) and Luke Shaw impersonator James Hardwick on a fifer!