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With seven of the starting eleven still feeling the effects of ‘The Awobabobob Tour’, most of the team looked like they would be more at home at an AA meeting (Alcoholics Anonymous) than a cricket pitch. Apart from Matthews Richards. As ever, he still looked like a young Gene Wilder. Llandaff won the toss and decided to have a bat. Tondu opened the bowling with a zombiefied Dan Thomas (who looked like he had been on the sauce for 48 hours full tilt) and the ghost of Ryan Owen. Thomas produced one of his best spells in a Tondu top, proving alcoholism is key to him developing as a bowler. Despite being haunted by Owen, the Llandaff batsmen stood firm throughout his spell. Tim Woolls fresh from detox came on to bowl with a still drunk Josh Tatchell. The left-arm seamer was to have a day to remember. The ever-reliable Woolls struck, with the visiting batsmen unable to get started with the bat. Another uber-cheap spell for the left-arm spinner.

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Tatchell was to go through the opposition’s batting order like the demon that was currently living rent-free in the body of Ryan Owen. The actual Ryan Owen was rumoured to be propping up the bar of The Clyde still. Woolls took another scalp before the start of ‘Tatch of the Day’. Three quick wickets all for Tatchell with catches from Smeaton (2) and Thomas. Then came two run outs for born-again wicketkeeper and part-time Gene Wilder impersonator, Matthew Richards. One of which was sublime, a no-look shy at the opposite stumps out of the back of the hand, with a direct hit, bails flying everywhere. Tatchell took his fourth wicket when RAF fighter jets were seen escorting the ball back to the ground with skipper Tom Jenkins stood underneath it. A fantastic catch from an absolute thinker of a catch. Tatchell took his fifth wicket with a catch courtesy of Richards, Tondu dismissing Llandaff for 103 runs off 30 overs.

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Matthew ‘Soft-Hair’ Richards and Dan ‘The Sauce’ Thomas opened the batting with the Wales v Denmark kick off soon approaching. ‘The Sauce’ didn’t last long before he was heading back to clubhouse to be violently sick in the toilet, still looking like an extra from Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. Matthew Richards and Gavin Davies started getting the runs flowing before Davies gifted his wicket with an easy catch for the opposition. Richards followed suit and suddenly Llandaff realised they may actually be able to defend this target. They didn’t give the Tondu batsmen much to work with, bowling very accurately. Enter the fray Callum Smeaton to score ‘the best 32 runs not out I’ve ever seen in my life!’ (Matthew Richards, post-game interview) Smeaton was ably assisted by Tom Jenkins who was looking more a mix between the Marlboro man and Mr Burns after two days of partying hard. The skipper added 18 much needed runs with some lovely shots before getting out caught and bowled.

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That brought Leyton Williams, part-time groundsman, part-time Jack Leach impersonator and professional cocktail connoisseur. Smeaton and Williams were to see Tondu through to a six wicket victory with Leyton ‘NO RAAAAAAAAN!’ Williams hitting a huge six to win the game. With rumours Jamie Williamson was moonlighting at Gloucester cricket club as a glass collector, the victory meant the game was all done in time for the players to enjoy the Wales game. Until Denmark were 2-0 up, then it was chance to go and enjoy a beer in the sun. Coming to the halfway point of the season this win could be the springboard the team needs to go on a run and change their season fortunes. Big shoutout to Josh Tatchell on his fifer, well deserved! Tatchell taking the match ball home to celebrate his performance, but then feeling hard done by when hearing Scott Thornton had taken a mobile smartphone home for his ton in the firsts game.

 

Llandaff 103 all out (30 overs)

Josh Tatchell 5-24

Abid Khan 24

 

Tondu 104-4 (25.5 overs0

Callum Smeaton 32*

Mohammed Ilyas 2-19

 

One to Watch:

Josh Tatchell. With a man of the match performance and fifer, a perfect end to a week representing Tondu on a tour of Bristol than stepping up at The Field of Dreams.