Arriving at Sully with only nine players, the day started with all the momentum of Matthew Richards at the wheel of a car at any given junction, stand in skipper Leyton ‘Flakey’ Williams went out to check the pitch and was confronted with a green wicket with so many weeds it looked like the groundsman was still off on furlough. Immediately on arrival the Tondu players were able to confirm to long asked question and no, this village was not missing its idiot. He was alive and well and scoring the book. I say scoring the book, the more accurate description would be boring fellow scorers to tears to the point where they are considering taking the cyanide pills were all issued at Bryn Road in case of capture. Skipper Williams won the toss and decided to have a bowl on this rock hard wicket and likeminded outfield. From the first ball one thing was evident to all, in particular the batsmen. There are a lot of holes in the field when you only have nine men.

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Williams and Tatchell opened the bowling and despite some good deliveries in their spells, they were unable to make the breakthrough. The opening batsmen soon got about getting the scoreboard ticking over. The outfield was lightening quick and if you evaded the fielder, the ball was gone. Never has a cricket team been more pleased to see a white van arrive as when Ryan Owen arrived from having prior engagements with an employer. Twenty five minutes after this, Owen had put himself together sufficiently enough to join us. The ever reliable Tim Woolls came on to bowl, partnered by Owen. Both bowlers found it difficult on the hard track with Woolls finding no turn whatsoever. Having seen catches go down from Williams and Tatchell, Sully took advantage and had 184 runs on the board before the loss of their first wicket. David Goodway bowled by a delivery from Ryan Owen for 99. That is right, 9 and 9, 99. The batsman was visibly dejected at getting out one short of the milestone score.

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Enter one village idiot. The scorer decided he held the power to make dreams come true, like a mind-numbingly boring version of Jimmy Savile. Never has the phrase ‘he could talk a glass eye to sleep’ been more applicable. Proclaiming he had missed one run off Goodway’s score, the Sully Savile magically turn the 99 into 100 (something the cheating gits even had the audacity to post on their Twitter). The umpire Dave Fiddler stated, ‘that’s ridiculous boys! Why not just add 80 to the guy who scored 20 as well? That’s poor form lads’. Meanwhile, Dan Thomas had been brought into the attack and his bowling was rewarded with the wickets of Gethin Hicks and Shae Ellis with catches from Matthew Richards and Tom Jenkins. Jenkins having not been on the pitch long, taking Tondu’s quota up to the 11 players generally recommended for cricket teams. ‘Just f*** off! Not you mate I was talking to myself!’ Thomas reassured the batsman in the midst of his spell.

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Ellis Major and Gavin Davies came on to try and buy a wicket with the Sully middle order starting to slog the ball. Just short of an hour Tillbrook batted for. During that time, as like the four hours that proceeded it, if your dog (to your knowledge) was on its own woodland adventure with a certain dog walking company, they were just tethered to a post in a field. Major and Gavin Davies went for a bit of tap as the Sully slog continued. The outfield at Burnham Avenue was something more akin to Helmand Province and it caused the Tondu fielders no end of issues throughout the game. After having sage advice from Tatchell in the drinks break ‘you’ve just got to wear it!’ Liam ‘Waller’ Woolls went to field a straight drive at deep mid off when the ball hit a ridge and fizzed past his head at pace. Fortunately, this bullet did not have his name on it. Sully amassed 286-3 from their 45 overs. Well, we assume they did as their scorer, Rainman he was not.

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Richards and Thomas opened the batting for Tondu and batted aggressively, keeping the visitors around the run rate required from the off. Sadly, Thomas fell for 21 with 54 runs on the board. This brought Tondu’s very own ‘quick-change’ act, Ryan Owen to the crease. If it was worth risking your life fielding at Burnham Avenue for the day for one thing, it was his knock. Not someone really into the whole running two’s and three’s vibe, Owen finds it much easier to smash the ball to the boundary instead. To sum up his knock of 69, patient but aggressive would be the vibe. With some flashy elegant strokes, it was a joy to watch with Richards more than holding his end up too. Suddenly it looked like Tondu could chase down this mammoth total. At this stage Tim Woolls was giving advice to Sully’s scorer on index-linked mortgages for his daughter, meanwhile the electronic scoreboard (like it had all day) seemed like it was possessed by a poltergeist as the numbers danced up and down in no fathomable order.

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When Richards fell it brought Liam Woolls to the crease who scored 35 runs, keeping Tondu’s outside chances alive before falling to a great catch on the boundary from Goodway (who scored 99 runs today). Owen fell without a run being added. Tom Jenkins came and went like a Screwfix Click and Collect order, with Tatchell sticking around for a short time also. Captain Williams added some stability and partnered with Tim Woolls, again it looked like Tondu could reach their target if the pair continued. Woolls fell with the score at 214-7. Having been told by normal skipper how a particular Sully player was ‘winding him up’ making funny noises in the field, Davies drove his first delivery straight back at said Sully player hitting him straight in the crown jewels at pace. ‘Tom was right, that guy is making some funny noises and crying a little bit’ Davies commented. Williams and Davies added runs with the target seeming ever more difficult to attain. With Leyton Williams falling with the score on 239-8, Davies added to the total before running out of partners with the score at 247.

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Sully Centurions running out victorious with a 39 run victory. Well done to Dave Goodway on his 99 runs. He had 99 problems but having to cheat a run for a meaningless ton wasn’t one of them!

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Big shoutout to James Hardwick who caught a top edge just above the eye luckily and has quite the trophy injury as a result. Great knock of 67, and fortunately the facial injury isn’t going cause any downturn in the amount of times he is asked for autographs by people who think he’s Luke Shaw. He was readily accompanied by the man, the myth, Richard Ready and the pair helped Tondu First XI to another great victory. Well done lads.

 

One to Watch:

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Ryan Owen. Fantastic knock, genuinely a joy to watch. Attacking but controlled. Worth the wait.

 

Sully Centurions 286-3 (45 overs)

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D Goodway 99, G Hicks 83

D Thomas 2-63

 

Tondu 247 all out (42.2 overs)

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R Owen 69, M Richards 44

R Griffett 5-60